WARNINGS, DISCLAIMERS, WAIVERS AND RELEASES OF LIABILITY
Our lawyer made us include this so as to cover our asses in case you’re a total moron. Party-Animal translations are provided [in brackets] to help keep your eyes from totally glazing over as you read. “The Company” refers to BeerDisguise.com (a California limited liability company doing business as BeerDisguise.com), and all of its members, employees, agents, heirs and assigns. “Beer Bong” or “Beer Disguise” refers to any product, in whole or in part, which is manufactured, sold, distributed, given away or otherwise provided by The Company. “You” means you and anyone else that orders, purchases, takes or keeps in any way, and/or uses in any way, any Beer Bong or Beer Disguise. You warrant and represent to The Company that you fully understand and fully agree that: (a) A Beer Bong is intended to dispense a large quantity of beer containing alcohol rapidly into the body so that quick intoxication of any user is substantially likely if not certain to occur; [Use it right, and you’ll get a major beer buzz! Life will be sunny! You may get laid!] (b) If a Beer Bong is used correctly, the user’s blood-alcohol level, level of intoxication, and rate of intoxication is substantially likely if not certain to be high, and the user’s blood-alcohol level and level and rate of intoxication will be greater than they would be if the same amount of beer were ingested by the user without the use of the Beer Bong; [Beer Bong hits will get you more drunk and drunk faster on less brew! Is this thing great or what?] (c) By using a Beer Bong, the user accepts and assumes all risks in any way associated with the use of a Beer Bong, including, but not limited to, the risks of drowning or choking, and the risk of becoming intoxicated and all risks in any way associated with intoxication, including injury and death; [You may hurl on your best friend’s new shoes, make an ass out of yourself by talking smack to the new coeds who just moved in down the hall, or worse!] (d) The risks and the inability to fully appreciate the risks associated with the application or use of a Beer Bong increase as the user’s level of intoxication increases, and a user may become extremely intoxicated and not realize it; [Realize you may be getting smashed and not know it! So always drink in moderation! You have to know when to STOP, my man!] (e) The use of a Beer Bong or a Beer Disguise to dispense beer to anyone under the age allowed by law, and the consumption of alcohol by anyone underage, is illegal; [Duh!] (f) Driving while under the influence of any alcoholic beverage is dangerous and illegal [Don’t drink and drive! Don’t let your friends drive drunk! Jail and car crashes can change your life in a bad way!] (g) You shall hold The Company harmless and release The Company from any claims of any nature, any causes of action, and any demands for injuries, damages or other liabilities (including but not limited to claims for damages to property, claims for physical or psychological injuries, or claims for wrongful death) which have been made, could have been made in the past, or might be made in the future against The Company due to any application or use of any Beer Bong or Beer Disguise by you or anyone else, regardless of whether such applications, uses and/or damages were intended or unintended, or foreseeable or unforeseeable; [If you or anyone else gets screwed up or screws someone else up, y’all deal with it cause it ain’t our fault!] And, (h) You expressly waive any rights you may have under the provisions of any state or federal law providing in substance that releases shall not extend to either claims, damages, or injuries which are unknown or unsuspected to exist at the time they are released. [It REALLY ain’t our fault!] You are responsible for complying with any and all laws, whether they are federal, state, or local – pertaining to the ownership, possession, and or use of any of our products.